The most important thing for a pick me girl is to distinguish herself from other giggling, classically feminine and reserved chicks in order to appear attractive to guys.
To be nice, cool, like one of the guys – but not too masculine.
So far I agree that it is a very accurate categorization of the “I’m not like other girls” people we grew up watching on TV and movies, the ones who sneer at other girls, ally themselves with the boys and would rather die than wear something pink.
But I think I notice a shift in the concept.
Now almost anyone can be accused of pick me behavior.
It could be that a girl is uninterested in makeup, prefers beer to bubbly, didn’t like the “Barbie” movie or feels uncomfortable at bachelorette parties and baby showers.
Then the label is there ready and sticky to just slap on.
The fear of being labeled a pick me girl is justified, because nowadays there are pick me cops on every corner. There is hardly a podcast that hasn’t done “explorations” on the subject, it’s a common topic of conversation in my circles and I see on Tiktok that it trickled down to school age as well.
What bothers me about the inflation that goes into the term is that women are still not seen as their own persons with free choices and interests.
It has become so accepted again, after all the liberal feminism and girl power, to indulge in feminine interests and to be a “typical girl”, that the girl who stands out from it is considered to be doing it to please guys.
I see it as identity politics for Gen Z, where little internet police point out, rebuke and shame each other if they step outside the norm.
It’s a bit like it being considered “queerbaiting” when Harry Styles wears a skirt and nail polish without being gay.
Or to manically list all the “icks” girls get from guys who behave in a feminine way. Or who even breathes, moves, talks in the wrong way.
It’s funny to a point, but after a while it resembles the same tired “male and female” humor we’ve been dragged along for years. The kind of humor that settles somewhere in the back of people’s minds.
You become a little more afraid of making mistakes. The general living space shrinks and becomes more boring.
It is sad that smart, progressive and funny people sit on their channels and trumpet the message that misogynists and homophobes have been saying for years: Don’t do wrong, don’t stand out. Don’t be too much, don’t be too feminine, don’t be too masculine. Don’t be a pick me.
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