Interview: Ellen Fiske about “Leaving Jesus”.

Ellen Fiske has certainly never met Jesus, but has always had an attraction to religion. Although she grew up in a decidedly atheist home, she has always been fascinated by faith and spirituality. Already in her graduation film about a father’s group in Scotland, she thought it burned the most when the fathers touched on the existential questions.

– I still define myself as an atheist but can sometimes feel a little jealous of religious people. I often long for that feeling of a larger community, says Ellen Fiske from her home in Uppsala.

Five years ago hit she through with the social realist feature film debut “Scheme birds”, which revolved around a Scottish teenage girl who grows up in a world of violence and pigeons. In the same year, she delivered the Guldbaggewinner “Josefin & Florin”, which depicted an odd love story between a Swedish mother of young children and a Romanian beggar.

The desire to make a film with a spiritual theme was partly fueled by a personal crisis. A few years ago, she was forced to consider her own mortality after receiving a medical diagnosis.

– I had difficulty navigating among all the thoughts and often missed a conversation about faith. In addition, I have long wanted to film group therapy with a connection to the lack of religious faith, she says.

During his research work she stumbled across the online group The journey free retreat, which brings together former Christian fundamentalists who have defected. The group is led by psychologist and therapist Marlene Winell, who specializes in so-called religious traumatic syndrome. Through group therapy, she helps defectors overcome post-traumatic stress disorder. Fiske contacted Winell and was invited to one of their retreat camps in San Francisco.

– I probably had a little fluency because she was very interested in films. It was a little sensitive to film at the beginning, but Marlene’s enthusiasm was contagious – and I was very open about what I wanted to do, says Ellen Fiske.

The group of defectors turned out to be a blissful mix of ex-Mormons, Pentecostals and Seventh-day Adventists. Including a Texas Mormon who was tormented by night terrors after living in an abusive relationship and tries to reclaim his own body through pole dancing, an elderly man who was subjected to incest by his literalist father and the young single mother Isabel who had broken with her Pentecostal congregation at home in Norway.

– Isabel’s family seriously believed that she had fallen into the Devil’s clutches and bombarded her with text Bible verses. She was terrified of God’s revenge and sometimes thought I was the Devil and that the documentary was some kind of dark force, says Ellen Fiske.

Together with her photographer Pia Lehto, she was like a fly on the wall during a number of meetings where the defectors underwent therapy sessions, including dance and various forms of trust exercises.

In total, there were approximately 150 hours of filmed raw material that was cut down to an 87-minute moving documentary that runs in light and detailed color scale and that almost has a religious shimmer about it.

The main idea was to portray the psychological drama that unfolds within the participants as they try to change from a framed religious community to becoming free individuals in a secularized world.

– Many of them were completely lost and felt empty, suffered from existential anxiety and felt that they had lost their entire identity after leaving their context where God had been such a big part of their lives, says Ellen Fiske.

Another strong joint denominator was that they all have tangled family relationships, something that made them even more lonely and vulnerable.

As if to underline that the religious pressure is stronger in the United States, “Leaving Jesus” includes a scene where one of the defectors witnesses Donald Trump giving a televised speech: “We know that families and churches, not officials, are the best at creating a loving and strong community … in America we do not worship the government, but God.”

– They had all experienced social peer pressure and condemnation which created a strong fear of hell and demons and such. The human contact suddenly becomes a huge thing – their void after God must be filled with something else. Human contact is probably also what I find most meaningful, says Fiske, who gets his spiritual kicks from culture – music, film and theater – and football.

At the same time, the director could recognize the frustration of the defectors when they came out into the “regular” world.

– Our world may feel quite dystopian right now. What to believe in? What kind of communities are there? But for them it becomes even more complicated and makes it tempting to go back to a world where all the rules are set, says Ellen Fiske.

The work with “Leaving Jesus” has made her a braver director and made her think a lot about her own life.

– My two children have started asking me what I believe in and what happens after death. As an atheist, I don’t have good answers, and I think parents should be careful not to come up with foolproof solutions where no room is given to think for yourself, says Ellen Fiske and pauses for thought before continuing.

– I am of course critical of all forms of fundamentalism where people use religion for power or for personal gain. But the dropouts have given me more perspectives on life. I hope the film can also open up the audience’s eyes to existential questions.

Parallel to “Leaving Jesus” she has worked on a documentary about Charlotta Björck, who became a comedian and actor after 20 years in healthcare.

– Just like my other films, this one is also about class issues and exclusion, but it will be more humorous. I was a little curious to dig a little closer myself and see many similarities between her and my own life. After all, she is also a cultural worker and a relatively new mother who is torn between work and family life.

“Leaving Jesus” has its Swedish cinema premiere on April 26.

“Scheme birds” depicts pigeons and dreams in Scotland

“Josefin & Florin” invites viewers to see the person